HEEEELLLLLOOOOOO

Hope everyone is doing well on this fine Thursday.

Today...I am going to tell you about the time I almost killed Christi with my vag. Yep.

But let me start this one from the beginning.

After we met Norman Reedus, we really became instant friends. We started hanging out all the time. And come summer...we decided we needed to go to this water park up near where Christi has a lake house. We both had gone there as kids, and hadn't been there since. (Tomahawk Lake. Pretty kick ass little water park)

It ended up just being the 2 of us...because well boys suck. I'm actually happy it was just us...we had a blast.

We got up early and headed out. We figured the earlier we got there, the better. It was a good call because it started to get crowded towards the afternoon.

Christi drove, but we had her mom's car. Our plan was to spend the morning/afternoon there, then stop by her Aunt and Uncle's house in the evening for dinner.

Because we got to the lake so early, we could pretty much walk up and on to any water slide without a wait. We did all of them once, then just did the ones we wanted to again.

We went down this one that is basically a black tunnel in a tube where the both of us could go. The first time we went down, Christi hit the water so hard she blew one of her plugs in her ears out. The next time we went down, it was almost disastrous. Now...I am bigger than Christi. This is no secret. So, naturally, I was on the back of the tube and she was on the front. The first time we went down, she was launched out of the tube...hence the losing of the plug. The second time we went down, she was sucked under. We hit the water and the front of the tube immediately went under the water. Because the front of the tube went under, I was basically flipped up and forward and came down on top of her. When she went to try and come up to the top of the water for air, she came up right in my crotch...right in the vag. She panicked. I panicked. (This is a theme. Always panic) When she finally surfaced she was so mad, haha. To this day she tells people that my vag tried to murder her.

After that whole incident, the tiki bar was open so we headed that way. We learned that they allow you to walk around with your alcohol. Yep. Water slides and alcohol. It's perfect really.

(Notice the plug missing from her ear.)

We had a few drinks, rode the slides a few more times and then decided it was time to pack up and head over to her Aunt and Uncle's house.

When we got back to our locker to get out stuff, we realized that our phones didn't have signal all day, so they were dead. We got back to the car and then quickly realized that our GPS was also dead. We plugged in a charger in the car, and realized that the cigarette lighter didn't work. So we had no form of GPS, and no form of communication. Christi wasn't 100% sure where we were going, but we decided we would wing it.

While we were driving around all of these back roads, I really had to pee. 

(Now...if any of you had ever drank with me...you know I have to pee every 6 minutes. Even if  just sip a beer, I'm peeing. That's not an exaggeration. It's come to the point that my friends keep track of how many times I go. When we used to frequent a local bar, the bartender used to leave a beer on the back of the toilet in the bathroom because I was a frequent visitor of the toilet.)

I decided that it was better to pull over and pee, than to pee my pants. Good decision, right? Well, Christi didn't pull over when I said I was doing this, so I took matters in to my own hands and pulled the wheel and pulled us over. Now...looking back on this...it probably wasn't the best idea. But, we survived...and I got to pee. That's really all that matters.

After the pee incident, we decided that we really had no idea where we were. We found a little strip mall with a liquor store and a Subway. Christi had to pee now (see, I'm not the only one) so we went in to Subway. I got us this little pizza from Subway while she peed. We then walked to the liquor store, bought a few beers and got back in the car.

We ate the pizza while we decided what to do. The pizza was cold and gross. Don't ever order pizza from Subway.

Christi came up the genius idea of going back a few miles and stopping at the Verizon Store we saw. Genius. I know.

We found the store, and they were nice enough to let us plug in a phone so it could charge enough for us to call her Aunt.

Once we had called her Aunt to come and get us, we sat in the parking lot and opened a beer. We deserved it...c'mon.

Her Aunt got there, we threw out the opened beers (we aren't THAT bad) and followed her back to her house. Ends up, we were like 2 minutes away. Literally only a few blocks. I guess we weren't that lost after all.

It was a long day...but really a day I will never forget. It was the first real adventure we had gone on as friends. (After we realized we needed to be friends because of Norman Reedus)

First adventure of many. We go through times where we don't have any free days, and we both sit there like jeez we plan too much. Then we have a few days where we don't have anything going on, and we sit there like jeez we don't plan enough.

This summer is turning out to be pretty epic. We have been super busy, but we have done so much.

Keep checking back. We will be posting new adventures as they happen!

Let the good times roll.

-Amy